today was a good day…

we went to a shopping centre. We looked around a store the hubby ( I’ll refer to him as Boof from his point on) likes, full of tools and crap, then went and looked through a shop I like with never ending craft supplies…heaven…then sat in a food court and ate lunch with our 3 boys (now known as 9, 8 and 6). With lunch done we dropped into a super market then drove the hour home. Once home we all did our own thing until dinner, then with kids in bed I’m now sitting in a hot bath relaxing and writing about our wonderful day.

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Whats so wonderful about this day…well only a short time ago it either wouldn’t have been possible, and if we had of attempted it, it would have been the stuff of nightmares. There would have been fighting, swearing, crying, and that’s just from me, the kids would have been acting like little ferals and Boof would be cranky and short tempered with us all.

You see with my issues, Boofs issues, 9’s Aspergers, 8’s hyperactivity and 6 just feeding off everyone else’s moods we rarely leave the house. But things are changing, I am changing and as a result my family is changing. It was not a day without hiccups, it was not a day without stress…but it was a day where I managed to handle the issues before any of us had a meltdown…and meltdown free days are always good days

So how did we accomplish this day, well lately I’ve been working on ‘reading’ my body and minds signals ,I’ve come to know what each of our ‘weaknesses’ are as well as what signs to watch out for that indicate if any of us are close to breaking point…So a detailed description of the day would go like this…

We started at Bunnings, busy place, I have issues with noise and crowds, as does 9…so we spend time browsing but after a while both 9 and I start feeling a little antsy, more people are coming in, noise is getting a little much. I let Boof know that the 2 of us need to leave soon so he grabs what we originally went in there for and we leave. About an hour is spent instore and while Boof could look around for an hour more he knows that its time to go.

Then we head to Spotlight, craft heaven. It’s quiet, its got that smell that craft stores have and that calms 9 and I, we spend more time just browsing and after about 45mins I notice that 8 is starting to act out a little, can’t blame him, with being hyperactive and an extrovert he needs people around, and the store is too empty for him, plus 6 mentions he is hungry so before 8 tears the store apart and 6’s hunger turns to screams of “I’m starving to death” with full dramatics (he’s our little actor) we leave the store and head to the food court.

Now the food court is packed, Boof takes the kids to sit at a table while I order lunch, 8 is happy and behaving because there is people, 9 and 6 are just looking forward to lunch. I order and step back, lots of people waiting for their orders. They are in my space, they are too close, I’m feeling crowded. I take a deep breath and step forward, out of the crowd, people are still too close to me but not surrounding me anymore, I can breathe again…

Once I have our food I make my way to the table, looking first for a clear way to weave through the tables, a way that won’t bring me in contact with too many shoppers. As I’m nearing the table a lady stands up and as she passes me her arm brushes mine, I smile but inside I am freaking, I don’t like physical contact, in part because fibro makes my skin just hurt somedays and even the slightest touch can be agony, and physical contact just feels like the worst violation of my personal space (well not all physical contact…I do have kids after all…), I love my bubble, don’t burst it please…I tell myself it’s ok, its a good fibro day so the pain was ok, and as long as lunch is eaten at a moderate pace I know we will be on our way home soon.

After a little grocery shopping we are back in the car, kids are tired, we have been out for hours, so they all fall asleep, I’m relaxed because its quiet and Boof is happy because he didn’t have to yell at the boys.

Once home I go for a nap because while I held it together all day I am now exhausted, Boof sits down to watch some drag racing on tv, 9 goes to his room to read, 8 goes bike riding around the neighbourhood, and 6 plays quietly with Lego. After dinner the kids went to bed, Boof watched some more tv and I’m in the bath…and that brings me full circle to where this post starts.

Today went so well because by paying attention to the different needs and quirks of us all, we could cut any problems off at the pass, leave the situations when they got too much, communicate what we needed to calm down with each other…for once we were just a normal couple with their kids enjoying a day out…not the frazzled looking couple with the feral kids that were melting down and drawing attention to us making us feel judged, making the trip into the centre as quick as possible before one of us loses it….and when we got home we each took the time to recharge in our own ways.

So now I’m thinking its time to step out of this bath…curl up on the lounge with Boof and relax together for a while, then off to bed for a little of the physical contact I don’t mind and a full nights sleep after a good day…

5 Tips for Self-Care and Coping with Anxiety

This!!! Add a foot spa instead of a face mask and some craft to keep me busy and my anxiety is manageable most days.

Do Not Disturb

I started this blog because I really wanted an outlet to discuss self-care and self love, two things I struggle with and I know I’m not alone. But what is self-care? I’m no expert and am not pretending to be. I’m just a normal girl, going through life, and trying to figure out the best ways to deal with it all: work, relationships, family, etc. Even when I find new outlets for releasing stress or giving myself a mental health break, they don’t always work. I have good days and bad days, ups and downs. Sometimes, I can’t pinpoint what is dragging me down or depleting my motivation for the day. Other days, I completely surprise myself with how much I can accomplish.

For me, the basis of self-care starts with being able to read your body and mind and listening to them when they are asking for help. Of…

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what pushed me to start a blog…

So I’ve had a messy mind a long time…social anxiety and depression have been traveling companions of mine for my whole life,, the hitchhiker who joins in on the ride, on and off for the last 20 years, has only just introduced himself as fibromyalgia. The introversion and empathy have always been there, and that would have been fine if not for the other 3 crashing the party. But I’m drifting off point, I do that a lot…

One word explains why I have started blogging…Facebook.

You see, I’m on facebook a lot. Probably too much if I’m being honest. I don’t post much these days but I do spend most the time scrolling through posts. One group in particular I can spend a day in, it’s a group for Introverts. I don’t know why but I’m always scrolling through the group, never really commenting, and lately the group has been annoying the shit out of me.Now most people in this group are young, and the posts are always poor me, I don’t have friends, I don’t feel like I fit in, I hate being introverted …crap like that, and lately I’ve just wanted to post a rant, tell them all that introversion is not synonomous with social awkwardness, social anxiety, depression and all those kind of things. I always restrained myself until a few days ago, when I wrote out a detailed story of what I’ve gone through, an honest account of my mental health, the fact that my Introversion isn’t one of my problems, it is more of a blessing…This rant was pages long, as my verbal diarrhea kicked in and as usual I used way more words than I need to, but hey, that’s one of my quirks…and once again I’ve gone off topic…

I didn’t post it in the end, it would have been like trying to explain why the earth is round to a group of flat earthers…no one would have listened, no one would have read what I had said and taken a look at themselves and thought “gee, maybe I should embrace my introversion and seek help with what is causing me to be so miserable’…and that’s ok. As I said they are all young, younger than me, not ready to see the truth, its taken me a long time to see it myself.

So that’s why I’ve started this blog. I want to help anyone who is ready for it, explain how I’m starting to change my life around after living with these conditions for longer than I can remember. I’m not a councillor, I’ve got no degrees or qualifications, but I like writing. I like telling my story of how life is becoming happy, how as well as seeking medical intervention I am also making my own changes, doing my own research, finding strategies that work for me. If just one person reads what I have to say and it helps them then mission accomplished.

Now I’m not always going to be on the mental health bandwagon, there’s more to my life than that, I’m more than the problems in my head or my chronic pain. Funny things happen, good things happen, and I want to share those things too…

not an ordinary introduction…

Well who am I?

I know what I am…I’m a mother, a wife. I’m a cook and cleaner and a carer for pets…the list could go on…but these things don’t define me, they don’t represent who I am.

I’m also a lot of things that no one really wants to know about and these are the things that define who I am, more so than what the passer-by’s see. I’m a mental health patient, a fibromyalgia sufferer and an empath. I’m an introvert who always has lots to say and could talk for hours only the conversations are in my head, because it’s too exhausting to say it out loud.

But none of that answers the question does it?

I can’t tell you honestly at the moment who I am, maybe that’s why I’ve decided to give this blogging thing ago, writing things down has always helped me clear my head, figure things out. I’m not after attention, I’m not after judgement. I’m just after an outlet.

So what to expect from my messy mind?…honesty, openness, ranting, explaining, hopefully a little humour…but mostly the inner workings of a mind that is starting to wake up and try to find out who she really is.